Jennifer Polynice ’25

For those of you who don’t know me very well, I was born on December 20, 2006, in Newark, New Jersey, and my full name is Jennifer Renee Polynice. My grandmother and I have the same birthday, other than the fact that she was born in 1948. My favorite colors are teal and hot pink. Everything makes me laugh. Sunsets and warm breezes make me happy. I’ve always believed in second chances. I’m in Sixth Form, I’m almost 18, and my mind is always racing. 

I’ve been thinking about the sun a lot recently and how it’s the heart of our solar system, not just because it anchors us in the vastness of space, but because it breathes life into every living thing. It whispers into the ears of flowers to bloom and trees to grow, ultimately setting the rhythm of life that we so often take for granted. Its power is insurmountable, yet it’s also humble in its regularity. No matter the darkness of the night, the sun always returns, reminding us that even after a life spent in the shadows, there is always a new beginning. Always another world on the horizon. Ask me about the sun and I’ll tell you about how it’s never forgotten me, even when I have lost myself. 

This past summer, I went on a GEO to South Africa with seven of my peers, several of them my closest friends, and our fav Mama Vee, aka Mrs. Maqubela. One night I found myself comfortably sitting, with Senior Prefect Kate Bartlett to my left and South African student Asanda to my right, and a plate of food in front of me. A few moments after we settled in, Kate and another Groton student, Margaret, got up to use the restroom. I’m not sure exactly when it started to happen but I had begun to drift away from the table. 

It wasn’t until I had heard the silent whispers of my name that I had come back. It was Joseph, a friend from South Africa. 

He had been calling my name for some time and was having trouble getting my attention. When I apologized for zoning out and asked what he was trying to tell me, he was quiet for a second before asking, “What were you thinking about?”

He scooched a few seats over, poured a heap of salt into Kate’s tea because he thought it’d be funny and asked me the same question again. Only this time, he was demanding an answer. “What were you thinking about?”

I didn’t really know how to respond because, if I was to be completely honest, I don’t think there’s ever a time where my mind isn’t a million places at once. Ask me what I’m thinking about and I’ll tell you the past, the present, and the future. 

I desperately scrambled through my bag for my phone to answer Joseph’s question, giving him a glimpse of what and who my mind was on.

I opened Instagram. Not on my main account. But a more private, spam account, where I like to post miscellaneous photos and videos. Here’s a glimpse of what’s on it: 

From what I’ve learned, memory works like a filter, keeping the things in there that it wants based on how relevant they seemed at the time, usually because they caused some strong emotion, while simultaneously letting go of the random or mundane details that don’t really resonate with us. 

It was the spring of Third Form when I really started to care about memories. Dealing with loss in my personal life had made me hyper focused on how fleeting life is. How we can lose everything in an instant without any warning. This thought haunted me to make a place where I could store memories forever. Even the most dull moments. So I started taking pictures. Lots of them. And whenever I missed someone or Groton, I found myself going back to the moments I had captured. And somewhere along the way it clicked how much I genuinely struggle with letting go. 

During this time and for a while afterward, when I experienced fallouts, I found myself in negative thought spirals, asking myself over and over what if I just handled the situation better, what if I had been a better friend, what if I had just stayed quiet. I would look back at my photos and the memories where the current problems didn’t exist and I would wish with all my heart to go back. I had begun to live so much in the past that I couldn’t focus on the gifts that the present was giving me so freely. 

Trapped in the belief that I couldn’t lose anyone if I photographed them enough, I had started taking many, many pictures. But it is true, isn’t it? That no one is lost as long as you remember them. And yet, I was afraid of losing the people I cared about. There’s not a beautiful way to explain that. What do you do when you’ve done all you can to save a relationship that’s not working? When is it OK to let go? How do you tell your friends and the people you’ve grown to love that they’re your sun? That you just don’t know if your universe will be able to function without them? 

It took me a long time to realize that I don’t need to get swept up in scenarios that don’t exist and haven’t happened. I have the ones I care about in the here and now, and that’s more than enough. I realized that even if they do leave, the right people have a way of gravitating back to you. 

I think the hardest lesson I’ve ever learned is that we have to let go. 

That life is better without bruised palms gripping onto the past. 

That I don’t need to leave claw marks on everything I’ve loved. 

I’m still trying to perfect the last one.

I’m far matured from the girl who made her spam account in Third Form, but I can still say that a part of me still screams that when I leave the Circle I don’t want to forget how your voice sounds. And vice versa; I don’t want you to forget me. While we can’t exactly control what happens next, I think our job for now is to just enjoy each other’s company every second we have. 

If you’re new and looking for any advice on how to navigate this Groton world, I’d tell you a mixture of what both my close friend Kyra Minda and my advisor, Kate Machan, texted me last fall, “So as hard as it is, you keep doing you, find things and people to keep you entertained and who value you and that make you feel good. Surround yourself with them and if you need space take it. Especially when you need to let yourself feel any and all emotions, scream into a pillow or cry, let yourself express it all. You are here to learn and grow and be your best self and also have fun and enjoy life. You are not here to torture yourself to try and meet unreasonable expectations.”

All this to say that we’re all just teenagers learning how to live. So have fun! Take candids of your friends and post them every once in a while, not because you can lose them at any moment, but because they’re here now and you love them. As you get older you realize that there are so many things you could have handled better. But embrace the mistakes you make, forgive the people around you for theirs, and don't be afraid to ask questions either. 

Ask me about what it’s like to be a Sixth Former, almost 18 years old, and at the end of your chapel talk, and I’ll tell you it feels like the sun is shining on a whole new world.